The 5 Classic Black Guy Poses
Ok so today I received a link to visit where the people from my degree program had posted all of the photos we took at socials throughout last semester. Of course, while perusing the pictures I was really only looking for ones with me in them. Not too difficult, since I’m the Token Black Guy:
Most of the pictures were at parties with a bunch of alcohol, so predictably they ended up with me being uncomfortable in a picture with guys or girls looking uncomfortable as they tried to “Black it up” and throw up gang/peace signs for the camera or stuck their tongues out. Kinda like this:
About 60% of the pictures were like that. Just me generally being uncomfortable and/or not knowing what to do with my arms or face in mostly candid pictures. However, the other 40% of the pictures were deeply horrifying to me because I was committing one of the 7 Cardinal Token Sins. I was using one of the 5 Classic Black Guy Poses in each picture. Every black guy from birth generally uses one of these when he poses for a picture because we don’t often smile in them. Check the FB albums if you don’t believe me. Here’s the rundown:
- The Mean Mug/Blank Stare/Mugshot-This is the most common pose. Check your driver’s license if you don’t believe me. Usually done in place of a smile, but done inappropriately when others are smiling. You look like you are being booked for your 8th offense. Trust me. An example:
- The Folded Arms/Bboy Stance-Similar to the one above but with folded arms
- The Point/Double Point-My personal favorite. (You think) it makes you look cool and nonchalant. However, it just makes it that much easier to imagine or Photoshop you with a gun in your hand(s).
- The Deuces-Don’t. Do. This. Ever. This stopped being acceptable in the office when Asians started doing it in Coke commercials. Also reminds people of gang signs.
- The WASSSSUPPP?-Only suffices in making you look more aggressive. Leave this one in the club.
Now if you’re a black guy, look through your facebook album and you’ll see the truth. If you’re not a black guy check out your black friend’s page. The 5 Classics are great in social settings, but make us stand out EVEN MORE in professional/academic settings. Leave them at home. Smile, just don’t overdo it and end up like this guy: