Milton: Levar Burton
Milton is one of the other black guys in the office. And he’s the bane of my existence.
My coworkers and I went to a sports bar for lunch last week. As we watched ESPN and scarfed down copious amounts of buffalo wings, we heard the jukebox begin to play Word Up by Cameo. I laughed a little bit when I heard it. Milton asked me what I was laughing at, and I told him that I had just remembered that Levar Burton was in the Word Up music video.
If you don’t believe me…
Trevor asked me who Levar Burton was. Before I could even reply, Milton says,
“He was in Roots. He was Toby.”
Okay, first of all, why the hell did he say that Levar Burton was Toby? Kunta Kinte will ALWAYS be his name! I almost slapped Milton for saying that nonsense.
Secondly, why Roots? We were at a sports bar with our White coworkers and there are certain mental images that I want to avoid when socializing with majorities. Mainly images of Black men getting their names whipped outta them.
I mean, I’m all for White guilt and all, but why couldn’t Milton just say Reading Rainbow?
Everybody loved Reading Rainbow. Everybody who was literate loved Reading Rainbow. He could’ve even said Star Trek. I mean, everybody doesn’t know who Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge is, but they know that there was a blind brotha with some gold shades on somewhere in the show.
He’s like a mix between Lando Calrissian and Ray Charles, how could you not use him as a reference?
Milton is the same guy who unnecessarily referred to the racially charged violence in American History X last month. He’s killing me with this shit.
I’m not saying that Black people have to avoid any references that involve racism and oppression. I am saying that Milton better stop referring to movies where White men kill and/or beat Black men during our lunch break. I’ve got enough stress in my work day.