40 Acres and a Cubicle

Edit: Why I’m NOT Moving to Canada

Posted by fivefifths on June 16, 2011 · 2 Comments 

It appears during my last post I was a bit hasty in my stated desire to move to Canada. I’ve given the matter some thought and decided that I will remain in the US on a probationary period or until a better alternate destination is located. My reasons:

1. Canada is fucking cold. Not “hard nipples and runny nose” cold. No, it’s “frozen boogers and brain freeze from the wind” cold…in April. I know there are some quite temperate areas but the whole place is north of New York. New York is cold as shit. I would have to move somewhere even colder than that. No dice.

2. There are entire places where people speak only French. I know. You know how embarrassing and frustrating it is when you go to McDonald’s and ask for a biscuit and they give you a fucking cookie? I’ll pass.

3. This is the big reason. Apparently Canada is Iraq. Seriously.

also this

…Yeah

Shit Got Real

 This looks like Watts, but these scenes are from Vancouver after 1994 and 2011 losses in the NHL Finals. Hockey. When we lose in the playoffs we cry and blog about it. Canadians riot. And kill people. Canada is sounding less and less like the promised land and more like a land of crazy isolated billingual mutants who riot for sport. For all that I could just move to Oakland. At least it’s not cold there.

Racism, you win again.