Ok, let’s get this out of the way. Everyone in your office already knows you’re black (unless you go the Sammy Sosa route) and most likely they’ve already come up with stereotypes based on that. We know, we’ve talked about it here before. The sad part about it is that several of these stereotypes are true. Many of us do like ignorant rap music and fried chicken, and although we feign otherwise, sometimes there comes a moment at work when we just have to do something stereotypical and hope we don’t get caught. And if you get caught being Stereotypically Black, God help you.
Well I just got caught enaging in a Secret Act of Blackness (referred to as “Black Ops” from here on out). I usually come to work early before all the other people get here. And I do it so I can go to Union Station, get a chicken biscuit from Bojangles, and enjoy the fried chicken goodness and Gucci Mane Pandora station in peace for 15 minutes and watch the sun from my office view. Hell I even dougie or beef it up once or twice when the spirit so moves me. I also read the newspapers and enjoy my coffee during this time of uninterrupted Blackness. I love it.
Usually I keep the lights turned off and the main door closed so I can see and hear when others come in, but today I really really fucked up. I was eating my chicken biscuit and enjoying an eloquent piece of spoken word from Waka Flocka Flame and then I looked up and saw my boss and the other intern trying awkwardly to walk past my office without acknowledging the fact that I was clearly caught looking like this:
Apparently they both came in early for a conference call for a project they have. So now as I sit here and wipe the grease from my face and try to use GQ magazine cologne ads to make the office smell not-like chicken I’m seriously wondering how I can erase the image from their minds, neuralizer style. I’m considering planting crack cocaine inside a watermelon and delivering it to the other Black intern, but would that be enough? Someone help!
Let this be a lesson to you during your weekly Black Ops. The streets is always watching.