The Amazing Mr. Booker
At this point, the legend of Cory Booker is getting a bit far-fetched. This guy played D-1 Football at Stanford, studied at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar, got his JD from Yale (where he set up legal clinics for poor Black folks and was a Big Brother), and at the age of 36 became the mayor of Newark, NJ, which has cut gun crime in half and reduced expenditures under his tenure. He’s been on the Board of Trustees at Columbia and Stanford and was on the Executive Committee of Yale. He has been the subject of many assassination plots from local gangs but continues to walk the streets alone, unarmed. He was a major campaigner for Obama, and turned down a spot in the Cabinet to continue his term as mayor. When the state politicians left for vacation in late 2010 and the Snowpocalypse hit, instead of staying and waiting to be dug out, Cory Booker instead took to manning a plow HIMSELF and digging out residents who tweeted him, one at a time.
Because that’s just what badasses do, damnit.
I mean what else can the man do to prove his awesomeness? With all due respect to Barack Obama, his assistant Reggie Love, and myself, Cory Booker has to be the coolest guy walking around. Hell, he’s on equal footing with the Most Interesting Man in the World, and he’s fictional. He’s Black Chuck Norris. He can divide by zero. And he’s 10 years younger than my dad. My life is kinda…..lame in comparison.
So what else could the man do but run into a burning house last night to save a woman? It completely fits with the vision of this Black Übermensch that he’s cultivated so far. He’s described as having been trapped in the burning kitchen but PUNCHING THROUGH the debris to get out. He suffered and shrugged off second-degree burns in the process, but of course none of the injuries that caused him to be hospitalized yesterday stopped him from coming to work today. I’ve called out sick for BURNING MY TONGUE ON COFFEE once. Booker calls it his “Come to Jesus” moment.
I call it something different. I think today is the day that we finally realize Booker’s secret: that he is either a Terminator reprogrammed from his original mission to kill us all, or that he is a superhero with legitimate superpowers. Nobody punches their way out of a burning home while carrying women to safety. Especially not Rhodes Scholars.
All I know is we need to be watching this guy more carefully. We’re onto you, Cory.
Also, he’s going to be President one day, so watch out for that.